Video: What is compassion and why it is helpful?
What is compassion? Compassion is defined “a sensitivity to suffering of self and others with a deep wish and commitment to relieve the suffering’. Which means, to have an understanding of the distress and a will to elevate it. This includes kindness, understanding and non-judgmental care.
Why is it important? Paul Gilbert the founder of compassion focused therapy (date) suggested that we have three emotional regulation systems.
The model suggests that we have three different internal-states which make up the emotional regulation systems.
The first is the drive system. This enables us to achieve goals, and gain or maintain resources. Here we may feel motivated and excited. We need this system to be active when we are feeling “I just need to get stuff done”. It can feel good when we achieve things, but exhausting when remain in drive mode for too long.
In the threat system we may feel emotions such as anger, anxiety, and fear which can be uncomfortable, but it functions to keep us safe. You may have heard of “fight or flight” and when this system is dominant behaviours such as avoidance, impulses or fast reactions may be expressed. This system can be activated very quickly. It will usually go off before we have consciously noticed a threat. This speed can be helpful for survival, but it can also be activated when we are not in immediate danger, which can add to our distress.
Finally we have the sooth system, which helps us to feel calm and safe. Here we may feel relaxed, comfortable, and connected to ourselves and those around us. We are not attempting to achieve anything and there is no sense of danger. We feel at ease.
When we feel overwhelmed it can be due to one or two of these systems being more active for a long period of time. Re-balancing these systems can help us to manage our experience of distress and support our wellbeing.
Helpful ways to balance our systems can be to bring awareness to what we are experiencing in this present moment, by connecting to our breathing and physical sensations, or to an external object. It can also help to give ourselves supporting messaging. We will explore this next.
When going through the process of the coroner’s court you may experience emotions such as feeling angry, upset, or lost, and this is okay. These exercises won’t make the situation all better, however they may help you to gather yourself in the moment. For instance when navigating the processes of the coroners court.
Short Mindfulness activity: Breathing awareness exercise
Before we begin this practice we encourage you to take a comfortable seated position in a chair or something similar, then allowing your eyes to close or taking a gentle gaze, whatever feels right for you in this moment. Taking a few moments to get in touch with the natural movement of your breath, becoming aware of this rhythm. When you are ready, inviting you to notice any physical sensations in your body, any sensations of touch or pressure, where your body makes contact with the chair. Maybe you can notice some tension throughout your body or some areas that feel more relaxed, or even some areas where we are experiencing no sensations at all. Now on each out breath, if you feel able to do so, explore what it would be like to allow yourself to let go, to sink into the support of the chair, bed, or ground a little deeper. If this feels like what you need in this moment you can stay with this, or you can begin to gently bring your awareness to your breath. Noticing the air as it enters your nostrils and feeling as your chest expands… and then letting the air out, noticing your body deflate. Noticing the in breath and the out breath. How does this feels in your chest and abdomen, being curious to the sensations and trying not to judge ourselves for these sensations, or if our mind starts to wander. The awareness of this wandering and gently returning to the sensations of our breathing is mindfulness. Continue to notice your breathing for 30 seconds, not trying to change anything or to feel different, just simply being aware. Now, when you are ready, slowly and gently, allowing your eyes to open and while remaining conscious of your breathing, bringing your awareness to the room and your surroundings. This practice can be used at anytime, anywhere, and can be made longer or shorter depending on your needs.
Cyclic Sighing
This next exercise is about noticing our breathing and attempting to gain control of our breathing pattern to activate the relaxation pathways in our nervous system; Namingly, the parasympathetic nervous system. Here we will aim to take two consecutive inhales until our lungs feel comfortably full, and then a prolonged exhale through the mouth. As if we are sighing. So when you are ready, I invite you to explore this practice with me… You can choose to close your eyes or have them remain open if you would rather. Whatever feels right for you in this moment. We will now take a breath in through our nose for one second followed swiftly by another one second in breath. Then we will exhale through our mouths for around 6 seconds. The exhale time will depend on your comfortability and lung ability, but as long as you are exhaling longer than inhaling you are doing it right. It may take some practice to extend these exhales. So now let’s follow this pattern for two minutes.
Breathing in, and in, and then breathing out of our mouths for one, two, three, four, five six
Breathing in, and in, then breathing out for one, two, three, four, five six
Breathing in, and in, then breathing out for one, two, three, four, five six
In, in and out one, two, three, four, five, six
In, in and out one, two, three, four, five, six
In, in and out one, two, three, four, five, six
Continuing now for a final minute without guidance...
(facilitators audible breathing for x5 more cycles).
Thank you for taking the time to focus on yourself and take a moment to breath. Hopefully, you can feel some positive effects, even if they are small and momentarily.
Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal - PMC - exhale-focused cyclic sighing produces greater improvements in mood and reduction in respiratory rate. Frontiers | Breath of Life: The Respiratory Vagal Stimulation Model of Contemplative Activity
Sensory Object
Sometimes it can be hard to ground ourselves by bringing awareness to our internal sensations, especially when we are experiencing discomfort in our bodies. Here we are going to explore a sensory practice with a chosen object. It can be helpful if you choose something that you often have on you in your bag or a pocket: such as a key ring, lip balm, or a picture in your wallet. It can also be helpful to choose a small object that has a significant meaning to you. Please pause the audio while you select an object that you would like to practice with. Once you have your object, I invite you to hold the object in the palm of your hand. Noticing the colour of the object… It’s shape… any corners or edges… any bumps… does it look smooth or rough… simply being curious about what you can see. Then, inviting you to either close your eyes or take a gentle gaze away from the object and moving your awareness to what the object feels like in your hand… how weighty is the object… what is its texture… is it squidgy or hard… how does it feel against your fingertips. Now holding the object to your ear, noticing if the object makes any sound… Maybe running your finger along it or giving it a gentle tap to explore if the movement makes a sound. Then inviting you to hold the object to your nose and noticing if the object has a smell, trying not to judge how you feel about the smell, simply noticing any scent for what it is. Maybe even imagining from the smell what the object may taste like if you were to hold it in your mouth. Now lowing the object from your nose and holding it in your hand in a comfortable position, welcoming you to bring to mind a comforting message, attempting to keep your tone-to-self warm and comforting. This could be something like “I have made it through this moment”, “However I feel right now is valid”, “I have some control on how I want to respond in this moment”. It may be difficult to bring a compassionate message to mind at first, but we can try to be curious about what messaging we need in the moment and explore what it feels like to give it to ourselves. You may choose to return to the same messaging, attaching it to the chosen object as a small reminder whenever you see or touch the object. Or you may choose to give yourself what you need when you need it. Now slowly, beginning to open your eyes if they are closed and joining the room back in to connection, releasing the practice.
Further resources
- Self Help for Trauma - Self tapping
- Support and self-care for grief - Mind self help suggestions
- Resources & Advice | Turning Point - Turning Point
- Relaxation + Mindfulness for Grief - The Loss Foundation - The Loss Foundation (short mindfulness practices)
- Get help with grief after bereavement or loss - NHS - NHS